Say it ain't so

Rochester, N.Y. makes the NYT's most-e-mailed list, but wish it weren't for this reason.

Two Failures Do Not End Dreams of a Rochester-to-Toronto Ferry

By FERNANDA SANTOS

ROCHESTER, N.Y., May 23 — Two years ago, this city of 190,000 people — with more per-capita murders, high school dropouts and children living in poverty than any other in the state — paid $32 million for a high-speed ferry. It was considered a way to help revive the local economy by shuttling thousands of passengers a day to and from Canada, across Lake Ontario.

The idea was not a new one, and a recent, short-lived attempt gave cause for concern about the city's venture. In the summer of 2004, two private investors had launched a ferry that took two and a half hours to journey between Rochester and Toronto. But they went out of business after just 11 weeks when low ridership, unexpected breakdowns and rising fuel prices left them unable to shoulder the costs of the operation.

The investors' 770-passenger vessel, the Spirit of Ontario, was seized by creditors and remained moored in the ferry terminal here for months. After no one stepped forward to take over the service, the city bought the vessel in February 2005 and got into the ferry business itself, offering three round trips a day. But the city did no better than the investors, and by the end of 2005, the operation was $10 million in the red.

When a new mayor took office in January 2006, he put the boat on the market. "I had to stop the bleeding," the mayor, Robert J. Duffy, said in an interview.

In many ways, Baltimore is kind of like Rochester squared, but while Charm City always seems to disdain the nearby American capital, the Flower City has tried to capitalize on its proximity to Canada's Gotham. So it's sad to see the fast ferry die ... the Redhead and I took one round trip and didn't think it was that bad. Wasn't amazing, but still.

The Namesake

Not the movie, silly ... funny what a little vanity surfing will dredge up. Loving the creepy robo-dancing and wine glass smashing.

not the kind of thing you'd expect to read in Christianity Today ...

much less on the 'most-read' list ... unless you've added their most-read list to your Google homepage and now know exactly what kinds of those things those Christians be readin' ... but it's interesting, even for you secular humanists out there ...

7 things you need to know about sex

LDRs

So the Divine Miss James has been posting observations this week about long-distance lovin' on her blog, BaltAmour.

I noted that technology like IM and unlimited nationwide cell phone minutes -- and discount airlines -- make LDRs much, much easier to maintain than they probably were in the Pony Express era, when people had to rely on Cold- Mountain-style missives to keep the home fires burning.

I forgot to mention there that all the technology, especially the internet phone service Skype, definitely helps people maintain LDRs over far greater distances than many people would attempt -- even internationally. I have one friend who was based in D.C. but now lives in South Africa with her husband ... they married after about a year apart. Then again, there's the Crab-Kiwi example that definitely didn't work out.

Sometimes I wonder whether LDRs can accelerate feelings of intimacy -- you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Or allow a relationship to perpetuate indefinitely because you don't see the things that would lead you to break up sooner.

For example, I talked about how all those Southwest Airlines trips can seem like a honeymoon. But when visits are planned ahead of time, you're totally on your best behavior --- no dirty dishes stacked up in the sink, porn cleaned out of the computer cache (if either of those are deal-breakers for you).

But this doesn't mean surprise encounters are a good idea. I have both surprised and been surprised, and I would not recommend it without intricate support from the significant other's friends. Invariably the other person is busy, or had made plans, plans that do not include you.

I like new friends!

Thank you, sad panda, for introducing me to the lovely resident of Scarlett Place ... I am actively seeking to introduce him, with the assistance of the Redhead and other compadres, to the joy that is Charm City.

addendum to: the Pretty Woman rule?

Speaking of arbitrary lines ... according to other Swingin' Friend, sometimes even boys at speed-dating events abide by the following standard:

I Never Talk On The First Date

People are so impatient nowadays. Everyone's rushing to find someone, get married, settle down, and have kids. Call me old- fashioned, but I...

Doesn't this restore your faith

in the youthful vigor of the Catholic Church?

the Pretty Woman rule?

Okay, so my swingin'-single friend told me something that threw me for a loop today.

She said some guys will mess around with girls but refuse to kiss them, saying they've reserved that intimate act for serious relationships. Because, it's really far more intimate to put your tongue in someone's mouth than your penis ... anywhere. Right, of course.

 

You may recognize this scheme as first voiced by Julia Roberts in the modern-day Cinderella movie Pretty Woman. Did it not seem questionable then, even as a loosely veiled plot device?

 

I also can't believe there are guys out there who are ignoring the proverbial bases (however you define them) and trying to slide straight for home plate.

 

But Swingin' Friend said the phenomena was more of a commentary on where people draw the cheating line ... that somehow arbitrarily 'saving' some acts for a longer-term partner makes it okay to indulge in other acts with your "chick on the side" that most ordinary people would also describe in a randomized survey as intimate.

 

Whatever the justification, a refusal to make out with a fling is a good reason to end what already promised to be a brief encounter even sooner than expected.

turn-ons, turn offs

I like to jokingly respond that my turn-ons are strong hands and windy nights, a combination I swear I wasn't creative enough to come up with on my own. But the meditative state induced by a giant Diet Coke (yuck) and a three-hour drive prompted these realizations, in no particular order:

 

Turn-offs

-- apathy.

 

Damn, I hate it when people don't care. Don't care about this, don't care about that, don't care about anything. I care about a lot of things! I am energetic and enthusiastic, and it kills my buzz when others are nonchalant and oblivious! RRRRR.

 

Turn-ons

 

-- Strong hands (that one's a keeper)

-- doing things.

 

I like people who do stuff, who are good at doing the stuff they do, who can take control and lead. People who accomplish things, even weird things that benefit society in ways that are not immediately perceptible to many people around them. Maybe this, like all my other neuroses, stems from being the Child of Immigrants who don't spend money on stuff like hobbies, but I find myself easily impressed by people I encounter in my Line of Work for this reason as well.

 

The bottom line: I am easily impressed.

 

-- knowing me better than myself.

 

I spend a lot of time thinking and some of that time (not enough) thinking about people I care about. The converse/contrapositive (that freshman-year Logic class seems far away now) is that it's nice to know that others care about me, too. One way people show they care is by showing you are thinking about someone else by doing favors or giving gifts that are nice because they are personal.

 

That is, somehow revealing some knowledge of a conversation you once had or perhaps observing a need this person has ... not because the gift requires a personal loan.

 

Like, the copy of Mother Angelica's biography that I'm giving Mom for Mother's Day ... I get a steady stream of review copies of these books in My Line of Work, so this didn't cost much, but she's going to love it. Don't spoil the surprise!

 

 

 

a great idea ...

or perhaps not.

 

I drove from Charm City to NYC tonight, and something the Redhead called to ask prompted a Great Idea.

 

He asked whether my high school had a special uniform for pregnant students, which it did not -- girls just left when they started to show. Apparently one of his current grad school-mates attended a school that made the pregnant scholars wear special jumpers.

 

I asked her, through him, whether the jumpers featured a Scarlet Letter --- yeah, I've read a little American literature in my time.

Because, in a sense, students were rewarded for choosing to abort their fetuses, because they maintained their privacy about whatever bad decisions they've made in their lifetimes and avoided the embarrassing new outfit (as if most Catholic schoolgirl outfits aren't embarrassing at some level).

 

Actually, my school uniform was pretty cute. But I digress.

 

But my real question was: what did the boys have to wear? You know, the studs who put these woman in the predictament of having to wear a special jumper in the first place.

 

'Cause that's my big problem with abstinence-only programs, and stupid pink billboards with pink bandana-wearing young-ish women proclaiming that they're "not going to give up. And I'm not going to give in." ... they're all directed at women.

 

It takes two to tango, right? Not to speak ill of the dead, but why do we allow society to continue rewarding entertainers who say crap like "I see some ladies tonight who should be having my babies ..."

 

So my not-so-good idea: An embarrassing, unflattering garment for men to wear if they impregnate an underage woman. Picture a volumnous pink sweatshirt with a giant B on it, for "bastard" -- referring to the pop, not the newborn. Make'im wear it every time he's out of the house -- and a need to do laundry is not an excuse.

 

Except, I know what would happen. This would backfire. These ugly things would become status symbols. Society does not shame men who make babies before they're ready to be fathers; rather, it's a (perverted) sign of manhood.

 

Those bastards.

 

 

 

 

Hey! You!

Although I'm not sure I'm down with the heartbreaker msg of this song, the clap-happy beat is very fun. I think some people believe it's a public service to break up couples that aren't meant for each other?

That is a question I've never been able to resolve.

so many new friends ...

So Scrabble fundraiser was a success yesterday. More people walked in than expected, which was nice, despite my counter-programming with the Kinetic Sculpture race and the Maryland Film Festival. The stalker did *not* come, but that's okay. That let the redhead off the hook. And I have no idea who won the pirate cruise, and that's okay, too. I'm glad somebody likes pirates.

But again, here's to all the new friends and connections with people from all over the world I've made and maintained in the last few months, from Argentina and California to Arlington. Hopefully they will rise above the level of acquaintance.

rules of the road

Recently returned from a lovely trip to California, where I met up with partner-in-crime Loh-rider and road-tripped to see M.E.G. and the Mahimanator ... here are some lessons and observations:

1. Fine wines and spirits are a wonderful accompaniment to fine dining, but its best complement is excellent service.

While waiting for our table at Chez Panisse in Berkeley, I had a beer. Then the first of five courses was an aperitif. And, we (I mean Mahiminator) expertly ordered wine with our meal -- delicious salmon carpaccio with fava beans, risotto with mushrooms and squab salad -- and our host brought us a beautifully sweet moscato to enjoy with our strawberry-rhubarb compote with ginger ice milk, to make up for the wait before dinner.

Needless to say, I was toasted.

That may have interfered with my appreciation of the food, but not of the service. Everyone from the maitre d' on was very chatty and friendly. I discussed the local-vore movement with the sommelier, who had only learned the term that day. And a chef (B.?) took us on a tour of the kitchen afterward where we watched them plate food for the staff.

Overall, it was a wonderful experience that I would recommend to others.

2. It's okay to ignore the border patrol. Apparently this is part of California culture that everyone should just accept.

3. Jewelry and makeup can be fun to experiment with, but the best accessory is confidence.

It was so, so fun to spend a day shopping for earrings and necklaces and clothes with the ladies on the edge of SF's marina district ... an activity I usually avoid, due to my issues with commitment. Then we continued on to close out the makeup counter at the Macy's in Union Square. It was tons of fun experimenting, but in the end I contend being comfortable in your own skin is the best beauty enhancer ever.

But this leads to the circular argument: what if you're only comfortable wearing a mask of makeup? And is cleavage too powerful a weapon --- or can it be used for good?

4. Hair-braiding is not as dangerous as massage.

5. Numbers are only as important as you make them.

No matter the measure --- whether it's a man's height, his annual income or his response to certain questions on his census form --- it's probably more critical to consider how the number affects his treatment of you than to focus on what other people will think.

6. In Berkeley, it's appropriate to upgrade your request of a stranger from cancer stick to a little Mary Jane.

7. Get out the map.

Friendships can endure despite distances of space and time. Thank goodness.