check out the blotter version of my life

It's the third item. Police are on the lookout for someone fragrant, yet germy (because s/he left the hand sanitizer).

Central

Theft // A 2007 Honda Civic was parked in the 300 block of E. Biddle St. early Wednesday when someone shattered a passenger window with a rock and stole coconut-scented hand lotion and an iPod cable. Total value of the property and the shattered window was $310. The rock was found inside the car.

the charms of Charm City

I finally feel like I'm a real resident of Baltimore, because someone smashed in my car window between midnight and noon today --- first time in five years!

Or, perhaps this is a sign I should leave.

To tell you the truth, it's not unexpected. I had a really bad feeling when I parked my car yesterday on the bridge over Interstate 83, between Guilford Avenue and east Baltimore next to at least two piles of broken auto glass --- often the only place I can park my car when I get back after work, after 11:30 p.m.

The haul: a bottle of hand lotion and the cord that connects my iPod to the stereo. The thief/thieves, who worked by the perpetually blinking blue light of a Baltimore Police Department surveillance camera, left my E-ZPass, old cell phone charger and hand sanitizer behind. Must have been scared off by the alarm, because my real valuables -- the Scrabble set in my trunk -- were also unmolested.

This unfortunately violates my life philosophy of staying out of the police blotter.

But no lasting harm. Safelite installed new auto glass in time for me to make it to my shift tonight and the technician let me use his vacuum to suck the glass crumbs out of my vents and from between my multiple layers of floor mats. It's all good.

lies the Little People told me

You know, the children's playset is probably not a bastion of historical accuracy. But, I'm pretty sure there were no black people on the Mayflower.

Perhaps he is a stowaway!

the best URL ever

http://www.losanjealous.com

Down with the heteronormative agenda!

Baltamour blogged about relationship articles that expound about what boys do and girls do better, assuming we all fit into neat categories based on our gender.

Lists such as these particularly burn me up when it comes to the presumption that women are better nurturers ... No, I'm not the best equipped human in the room to care for children, just because I have ovaries. Frankly, the best child caregivers have patience, and I sorely lack that quality.

Coffee, meet tea

So what is a "chai latte"?

"Chai" is a blend of tea and spices. "Latte" is espresso with steamed
milk.

So is a "chai latte" coffee or tea? Is it coffee-flavored tea? Is it
tea-flavored coffee? Wouldn't that be "toffee"?

Amazing that we've managed as a society to complicate the combination
of dried beans (or leaves) in water. Confounded pumpkin pie chai
latte! I shake my fist at you.

An announcement

I've often said that the world would be a safer place if I did not drive in it.

Unfortunately, it's just gotten more dangerous.

Maliavale and I are putting together PL8WTCH --- a blog about vanity plates. Please send contributions you've spotted our way.

A spoonful of sugar helps the theology go down

In my Line of Work, I encounter a lot of marketing of consumer goods with a somewhat tenuous tie to religion. Here's a great taste-test of candies with a religious theme --- gotta love the chocolate Om and Biblical Sandy Candy. Maybe you'll get some in your treat bag this All Hallow's Eve!

It was compiled by a panel at beliefnet.com ... perhaps a little redundancy in the URL, but they've got good content, if you're into the Godtalk, or Godstalk, if you're more the polytheistic type.

shocking omission: unidentified delights

I can't believe I went on and on about chocolate and savory things and did not mention that I finally tried the mac & cheese & chocolate at Jack's Bistro! We went on my birthday, which was a Sunday, to take advantage of the $12 entrees-in-the-bar special. The event was doubly sweet because I was not working and we ended it with a short trip to Vaccaro's in O'Donnell Square.

We started the meal with a cheese course, of sorts --- both the aforementioned macaroni and cheese and the fried cheeseburger balls. My assessment? I am a big fan of macaroni, and cheese, and macaroni and cheese, and chocolate, and while all of those ingredients tasted independently good in the dish, I'm not sure they fit together in a deliciously complementary way, like Voltron. The cheeseburger balls are a better choice.

Invasion of giant nuns, thwarted

So after The Sun confirmed on Page 2b that the Giant Nuns were in fact larger than life-size, some not-so-Good Samaritan rats them out to the city's Department of Public Works , according to City Paper! But not before the enormous consecrated women waged havoc on the city, leaving rubble in their wake.

unidentified delights

The Redhead's mom is a sweet, intelligent woman who I enjoy visiting with, especially because the two of us become a unified force in ganging up on the Redhead when the three of us are in close proximity.

She's also funny, because she does not believe that the Redhead checks his mail at his apartment, so she sends gifts and birthday cards to him at my address. I think his aunt and grandmother have the same idea.

But! I received my own little joyous surprise last week, in honor of my own birthday. It was a lovely orange box of chocolates, wrapped up in a giant orange ribbon (did I mention she taught me how to tie gift bows with real ribbons?) and full of interesting sweets.

Tangent: boxes of chocolate are great because I can nurse them in my own anal-retentive, OCD-kind of way, allowing myself only one delectable treat per day for a month of tastiness. Who can eat an entire chocolate bar in one sitting? They are only good for fondue.

Back to the story: Some boxes of chocolates have a map to help you steer of chocolate-covered cherries and others you wish to avoid, but without reference material you just have to take your chances.

Years ago Mz. Loh gave me food-garnishing advice she may have learned from the CIA: it's good to decorate your food with stuff that offers the eater a clue to the contents, like a nut on a rum ball or other nutty cookies, or sprigs of mint on ... something minty.

But that rule did not prepare me for the first chocolate I tried, which was topped with a white crystalline substance I assumed was raw sugar. It turned out to be salt! It tasted salty. The filling was unclear.

Then I saw a post on this blog (wish it had permalink features) about burnt caramel truffles with Hawaiian sea salt and feel like I've gained some insight. (Be sure to read the post before that one, about the chocolate bacon bars at Ma Petite Shoe, Baltimore's shoe and chocolate store).

It took me a little while to support the concept of chocolate-covered savory things (okay, the time it took to devour my first chocolate-covered pretzel). And I completely agree with the explanation on the bacon bar page that pancake syrup on pork products (I prefer sausage) is tasty. But this is not a universal endorsement: I'm not a big fan of Monte Cristo sandwiches and for political reasons I refuse to try the pancake sandwich at the fast-food-place-that-is-not-to-be-named-or-linked-to.

But who knows? I'm only halfway through the box of deliciousness. Perhaps there's a Chorizo one in there somewhere.

putting the numbers in context

This work by Seattle artist Chris Jordan attempts to put American consumption in context ... I like the simple depictions much better than the photomosaic style pieces. But still --- fascinating.

Updated: found via bagsintrees.com.

a classic New York City statement

found, not unexpectedly, in this quote from overheard in new york:

Nor the Commissions That Run Them

Small girl: Mama, can we take off our shoes when we get to the park?
Mother: Absolutely not! I don't trust parks.

Overheard in New York, Sep 13, 2007

warning, unauthorized product placement ahead!

So I am the owner of a savings account with ING Direct. Today I got an e-mail from them, wishing me a happy birthday! What kind of bank is this?

And it gave me a coupon to buy stuff in its store! ING sells t-shirts in its store! And yoga mats and tents for you outdoorsy types, and an air compressor, if that's your bag.

It also has cafes in cities near you (especially if you live within the I-95 corridor) where you can buy coffee, attend financial seminars and host events.

Crazy talk.

the ultimate parking fantasy

You've all seen that Mentos commercial where the young woman, upon finding her Citroen suddenly blocked by another car employs several burly Eastern Bloc construction workers to extricate it from its parking space.

I've often wished I could perform the same trick, but in reverse --- calling upon legions of stronger people to shift other cars so I could squeeze my car into a space --- but not after reading this tale of car-moving gone wrong.

What country are those Mentos commercials from, anyway? The Netherlands, apparently (no thanks to the company's official website! In America, we like to know the history of our candies!)

everyone should do this

if you've got cool phones that let you record your own ring tone ...


http://lifehacker.com/software/cell-phones/the-inconspicuous-cell-phone-ring-194312.php

funny nuns

Near Mercy Medical Center, they have these cardboard photo cutouts of various Sisters of Mercy ( these sisters, not these), welcoming patients to the hospital. I'm willing to start a betting pool on when the first act of vandalism will occur.

But also: are these nuns lifesize, or have they been blown up to greater heights?

revelation

A transcript of a recent e-mail conversation I had with my sister, after trying to reach her for a few days:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: dancing monkey <dmonkey@elefkay.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 6:37 PM
Subject: older niece's birthday party?
To: Anne-Anne <anneanne@bigsis.com >

can u confirm it will be sat., sept 22?


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anne-Anne < anneanne@bigsis.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 10:50 PM
Subject: Kayla's party
To: dancing monkey < dmonkey@elefkay.com>


It was supposed to be that day but niece's dad changed it.  Don't know what the new day is yet.
Sent from my iPhone

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: dancing monkey <dmonkey@elefkay.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: Kayla's party
To: Anne-Anne <anneanne@bigsis.com>

Since when do you have an iPhone?!?!

(furious dialing)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: dancing monkey <dmonkey@elefkay.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: Kayla's party
To: Anne-Anne <anneanne@bigsis.com >

Is that why your voice mail is not set up yet?!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anne-Anne < anneanne@bigsis.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 10:58 PM
Subject: Re: Kayla's party
To: dancing monkey <dmonkey@elefkay.com>

call me back

Sent from my iPhone

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anne-Anne <anneanne@bigsis.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 10:59 PM
Subject: Re: Kayla's party
To: dancing monkey <dmonkey@elefkay.com>

yes

Sent from my iPhone

(furious dialing)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: dancing monkey <dmonkey@elefkay.com>
Date: Aug 23, 2007 11:06 PM
Subject: Re: Kayla's party
To: Anne-Anne <anneanne@bigsis.com>

you know, if you were getting a new phone, you should have at least gotten one that you can hear when it rings.





The backstory: her Blackberry Pearl was stolen, she was still under contract so it would have cost more than $400 to replace it, so she figured she'd just get the iPhone. The funny thing: she couldn't hear it when the Pearl rang, and she still can't hear the iPhone either. And, as a result, she can look forward to bills that are 64 pages long.

Read a Book, addendum

P.S. I'm sure many sports reporters would object to D'mite's instruction to put down the sports section ... I mean, that's a gateway medium, right?

Read a Book

Fellow METPRO graduate Sufiya Abdur-Rahman writes about "Read a Book" by Bomani "D'mite" Armah ... check it out!